


i know it's over

by clovercult



Series: homeward bound [2]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Actually really sad, Angst, Depressing, Don’t hate me, Emotional Hurt, M/M, Or kill me, Slow Burn, You might cry, i have no clue why i'm writing this, i know i did, vvv emotional i'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 10:17:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17323121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clovercult/pseuds/clovercult
Summary: he was fragile, like a painting; delicate to the touch, filled with gorgeous colors and emotions far too complex for somebody other than the artist to understand.-lowercase inteded.sad little drabble inspired by "i know it's over" by the smiths!





	i know it's over

**Author's Note:**

> i've nothing to offer except sad, horribly written, hardzzello.  
> this is my own au!!  
> it takes place in the 90s for some reason?? idk tbh w you oops  
> do leave your thoughts&opinions in the comments! it's 2:40 am and i'm going mad.

_january, 1997, 11:15 p.m._

______________

 

"you're cold, ben,"

quiet, gentle rain splashed against the blue-tinted window above ben and joe's exposed limbs, casting an odd glow over the couple as they lay, bodies intertwined, beneath the sheets.

ben's eyes stayed glued onto the ceiling, ignoring joe's obvious discomfort.

with a discreet clear of his throat, the blonde threw a limp, callous arm around his partner, who, in return, turned to face him.

"say something," joe ordered, softly, yet bitterly, almost as if he had meant for it to come out differently, angrily, maybe.  _aggressively_. 

ben finally met joe's antagonizing gaze, noticing how his once sweet, hazel-green eyes were now aged, and dull. worn, like an old book, torn pages and all.

"i love you," was all he said, forcing a small, tight-lipped smile as joe continued to stare at him.

the younger male tucked his plump, lower lip between his teeth, watching as ben slowly turned his attention back towards the ceiling.

"do you?" the ginger asked, more frustrated than hostile for a minute, maybe a second less. "hm?"

ben ran a painfully numb hand through his curls, again, refusing to make eye contact with joe.

with a rather vexed sigh, the man brought joe's own, delicate hand to his lips, pressing a hesitant kiss against the soft skin.

"why would i have married you if i didn't?" he replied, almost robotically, as if he'd been programmed to say those exact words.

it had been a rather quick, in-the-heat-of-the-moment type wedding, with joe's heart making irrational, dream-fueled decisions before his brain could think them through. 

in ben's defense, he had fallen for joe after their first meeting fifteen years ago, and after an excessive amount of alcohol two years later, he had proposed to joe in the middle of some shabby nightclub near tokyo in front of about seventy-five people.

he knew it wasn't going to last. hell, everybody knew it wasn't going to last. eventually, all good things came to an end. their love was like the corpse of a dead criminal, thrown away and completely drained of life. irrelevant, forgotten.

"bullshit."

"then why'd you ask?"

"because i wanted to feel something." joe whispered, drawing his hand away from ben's lips. "i _needed_ to feel something. pain, comfort ... anything."

the soft shake of his husband's voice made ben's head spin, and his stomach drop. he felt like throwing up.

joe sounded desperate, really, truly, _helplessly_ desperate. ben couldn't help but compare him to a small child, completely lost and sickeningly innocent. 

joe began to choke up, his words becoming a mumbled mess of emotions.

he sounded broken.

"i'm trying. i know i'm not everything you wanted, i know you've ... lost interest, but i love you. i do, i really do love you, ben jones."

the taller male flinched at the use of his catholic name, fighting the urge to grab the nearest, heaviest object in the room and wack himself over the head with it.

although it was obvious as to how his husband felt about their relationship, the pain in joe's heart caused him to feel as if their past-attraction was nothing short of true love. then again, he was a bit tipsy when it had happened.

ben tried focusing on the rain, maybe the lightning, or the sudden clap of thunder that shook the entire house every few minutes.

he silently prayed for the phone to ring, or for the house to burn down or something, _anything_ , to get him out of this situation.

after a long, awkward moment of silence, ben spoke. "you need me more than you love me."

joe shook his head, moving to cup the other man's face in his hands before pressing a firm, hopeful kiss against his lips.

all ben could do was taste the salt from joe's tears, feel the quiver of his lips, and choke on the overwhelming guilt that made him question every single thing he's ever done in his thirty-nine years of living.

"please, i love you. i love you so much, ben, you know i do." the boy pleaded, searching his husband's face for passion, maybe. some sort of emotion.

"i know it's over, but i still love you."

_i need you, i need you, i need you._

"it's more than over, but we have a chance, right? i'll show, you, i promise, please, just—"

_i need an answer._

"joseph," ben snapped, silencing his partner.

the smaller boy looked down at his husband through tear-soaked lashes, as if he was trying his absolute best to read ben's mind before he could speak.

ben, though he'd never admit it, thought joe looked absolutely beautiful when he cried, so angelic and in the moment.

he was fragile, like a painting; delicate to the touch, filled with gorgeous colors and emotions far too complex for somebody other than the artist to understand.

that's exactly how ben felt.

he had taken up so much of joe's youth, forced too many difficult feelings to be bottled up in that young, mistreated heart of his for _thirteen bloody years_  — it made him feel horrible.

joe reached out and placed a shy, almost comforting hand on ben’s shoulder. 

it felt like losing a loved one, or a beloved pet. someone valuable, once breathing and just _living._

he missed that feeling _._

there was so much ben could say in that moment, or nothing at all, really — but with a frustrated sigh and a sympathetic smile, ben spoke once again, lacing his fingers with his husband’s in a way that made joe’s heart _ache_.

"it's not over, joe." his voice was gentle, and kind.

it was the same voice he had used on their wedding night, when they made love some time ago, when things weren't falling apart.

"it ... it never really began."

______________

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> i completely understand if you found it absolutely dreadful.  
> i certainly did.


End file.
